The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The power of my boobs compel you
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
