when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
