last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
