if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
