i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
