how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
