he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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