I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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