Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
