I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
