I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
