Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
