Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
