Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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