I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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