someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
