I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
