Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
