One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
