My friends, they love my intelligence
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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