allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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