i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
