guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
