This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
