She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
