I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
