I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
