If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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