I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
