things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
