i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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