laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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