I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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