ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
