you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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