Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
