I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
