You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you inspire me to be a worse person
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
