Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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