I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
