Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
