I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
