Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
