She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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