He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
