I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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