god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
COCAINE IS GR8
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
