pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
as a side note pls kill me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize