I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
