i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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