i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
