? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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