Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
