any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
