lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
