I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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