somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
