The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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