i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
