I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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