I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
